well, I haven't written in this in forever...so I figured I should.

School is going really well...I have all A- and B+ so I'm excited about that. I'm also Secretary of Sigma Phi Sigma, so there's another thing I'm excited about school wise.
I worked my first funeral yesterday. I was a pallbearer for Pirro and Son's funeral homes, and I know this may sound weird, but it was very enjoyable. Yeah, this is my first one and it was really small, but it just made me realize that this is definitely the area I want to go into. Now if I can only find a permanent job in a funeral home, I'd be set.

Work is still...ehh. Tolerable I guess, but I can't wait to find something that pays more and is in an area that I like. We'll see I guess.

I went to Watkins Glen/Ithaca a few weekends ago. That was really fun. Walking the Gorges in Watkins Glen reminded me of Keuka and I missed it for a minute.

Other than that...not much else is going on. Work and school consume my life. Today I had the afternoon off and went to Swallow's after school with a classmate and then came home, voted and now I'm in the middle of cleaning my room. I should be studying accounting, buuut I think cleaning my room is taking priority over studying tonight. We'll see though.

mood: happy music: NIN

Soo. First week of school done and over with. So far I love it. Even my 4 hour and twenty minute anatomy class. It's going to be a lot of work, but I just have to be serious and really study. Sociology courses were so simple compared to this. I feel bad saying that because at the time I worked hard, but this is going to be even harder. haha, I have a feeling my social life is going to be non-existant. Besides people at school anyway.
Friday I went to the fair with Melissa. We watched Foghat and Blue Oyster Cult, which was pretty awesome. We ended up going to Loco's afterwards with my sister and her boyfriend and my brother and his friend. It was kind of funny going out with my brother and sister because they were both wicked drunk. and because I was at a redneck bar. haha, but it was fun either way.
I have today off completely, which is nice because I've been sooo exhausted. So today is basically a lay around and do homework day.

mood: busy music: The Cramps

so Summer is over. I have orientation tomorrow and then I start classes on Tuesday. It's crazy how fast this summer went. Like it seems like just last weekend I had graduation, and now I'm starting again. Amazing how time does that; passes that is.

location: home mood: nervous music: Rock of Love on TV

on Monday I'm getting hair extensions. so my hair is going to be loooong and thick. I'm so excited. School starts in one week, which I'm also excited about.
Yesterday was a good day. Not enjoyable good, but like this is the beginning good. Like things are going to work themselves out and be good. I think so anyway.
Work went by super fast today.

Today's my birthday. It doesn't even feel like it. I don't really care either.

uggh. I feel like I've made a mistake. Is it too late to go back? I don't know.

I just want to sleep all damn day.

Waiting for the phone to ring
Diamond necklace on my shoulder
Waiting for the phone to ring
Lipstick on my naked shoulder
It seems to be my fancy to make it with
Franky and sue ann

Over the bridge we go
Looking for love
Over the bridge we go
Looking for love
Ill come running to you, hey baby if you want me
Ill come running to you, baby if you want me

Looking at my hands today
Look to me that theyre made of ivory
I had a funny call today
Someone died and someone married
You know that its my fancy to make it with
Franky and sue ann

Over the bridge they go
Looking for love
Over the bridge we go
Looking for love
Ill come running to you, hey baby if you want me
Ill come running to you, baby if you want me

Somethings got a hold on me
And I dont know what

Somethings got a hold on me
And I dont know what

Its the beginning of a new age
Its the beginning of a new age

Its new age

soo I got my schedule and other info. from Simmons yesterday! I was soo excited when I saw the package with their return address. I go Tuesday through Saturday, with one class each day besides Wednesday, and I have two classes then. It's crazy because Oswego I would be there from like 9am until 8pm...so this schedule is nice in comparison. Except for the whole Saturday class. I don't really know how work will react, but I'll be able to work the insane morning hours, or the really late hours I guess during Christmas. So hopefully it will work out. I mean, school is obviously my number one priority, but I need to work too. Ugghh, hopefully it will work out.
Other than that, there hasn't really been anything exciting going on. Just work a lot. Hanging out. Exercising a lot. Reading a lot. Trying to clean my room and organize all of my junk. Finished my online class two weeks ago and got a B-, which is ok but I thought I would do better. I guess I kind of got burnt out by the end and was just rushing my assignments. At least I'm done with Oswego though, and I'll receive my diploma in August! haha, I'm going to put it in like a glass case and on display in my room. I'm so proud of myself.
But yeah, that's about it.

mood: sleepy music: the news

my life is boring. I basically work, come home, hang out with jay once in awhile, work on my online course, shop, and that's it. I don't really hang out with anyone anymore besides like my family. Which, no offense to them, isn't fulfilling. I need people my own age to hang out with. When I was younger, I thought 21 would be such a fun age and I would just be loving life. Yeah, at 21 I have a 4-year college degree, and I'm going on to school, but big fucking deal. Doing well in school has left me socially inept. I almost wish I hadn't taken school so seriously and settled for C's. Maybe I'd have more friends. I look forward to work because it's a social outlet. I'm even more excited about starting school because I'll get to meet new people who are going to be doing the same exact thing as I will be doing.

I seriously just want to get in my car and drive away. Or get on a plane and get lost in some other country. I wish I had the means to just travel everywhere. Being well educated is being lonely. Being smart is being boring.

mood: bored

I graduated from college today. 4 years gone already. It's amazing. It seems like I just started going to Oswego, and now I'm already done. The ceremony was much faster than I thought it would be. Less organized too, haha, but that's ok. It's hard for me to get excited because I know I'm not really done with school yet. I have this summer course to do, and then I start Simmons in the fall, so I don't have that feeling of being completely done with something. I'm still excited though. Apparantly only 1 in 4 people have graduated from a 4 year institute...so hell yeah for me. hahaha. seriously.

mood: excited

Sooo only two more weeks left of school! I have two finals during finals week, and then May 19th I graduate. I can't believe it. 4 years of college has gone by so fast. I mean, I'm not done with college yet, I'll have another year or so to do at Simmons, but still. It's crazy to try and think about.
I finished my Juv. Delinquency paper today, finished my Human Disease writing assignment, and my final paper for Human Disease is just about done. After that, I just have to finish my final Soc. seminar paper and presentation and then study. I'm soo relieved I didn't procrastinate too much this semester.
I've been thinking about where I'd like to go to do my internship when I finish Simmons, and I'm thinking of the NYC area. I need to get out of here for real. and being in such a populated area will give me great experience in Funeral Directing/embalming. So yeah, that's still not for awhile, but it feels good to have direction. Something that I've noticed not many people my age have. Which is totally ok. 21 is still wicked young.

What else...

Oh, I want to get my foot tattoo finished finally. I think I'll do that sometime this summer. and perhaps get my other foot done. We'll see though.

mood: excited music: The Cramps

I fucking hate when the media is blamed for incidents like the VA shooting. I just listened to some "expert" say that the media is to blame for kids becoming super violent and wanting to kill their classmates. That's so stupid. Why aren't all kids who watch violent movies, listen to "dark" music and wear black shooting people then? I like the most violent, disgusting, bloody movies and love bands that these people would consider "evil," but I have never once thought of killing people. In fact, people always comment on how sweet and genuinely caring I am.
If "experts" keep looking to the media to solve the problem of violent kids, they're going to end up with bigger problems. They need to look at the whole life of the kid. Especially how they were raised and their home life. The guy who just did the shootings in VA wrote plays about fucked up family situations...you don't think there were problems there? He was depressed, a loner and recommended for counseling, but it was the violent media he watched that made him commit this horrible crime? I don't think so.

lots of things going on lately.

Graduation in about a month. I have three more papers to finish, and besides finals, I'm done. I can't wait.

Weather is still wicked shitty. When is this going to end? I mean come on... I know we had a somewhat decent winter, but it's mid April. Enough is enough.

My Grandma passed away this week. Her wake and funeral was on Saturday. I wasn't really sad personally because I know she's better off. She's had Alzheimer's for a few years and her mind was just rotting away. She didn't know who her family was. My Aunt was taking care of her and my Grandma called her "miss." That was more sad to see than her lying there peacefully with no more ailments to hinder her. So, needless to say, I was one of the few people who didn't cry. I'm not heartless or cold. I guess I could just immediately see how much better off she is now. It's harder to see someone suffering and in pain.


What else...

Work is crazy as always.

New NIN comes out on Tuesday.

Twin Peaks: Season Two has been my TV life for the past week and a half. Such a great show.


and that's about it. I guess not as much as I thought was going on. :D

mood: crazy music: the Birthday Party

spring break is basically over. Boston last weekend was fun. The weather was crap, but other than that it was cool to hang out with Evan again, and meet some of his friends. Seeing Torche was also amazing. The best part of the weekend was finding Marc Almond and Altered Images CDs. haha, no joke, I've been searching for those two albums for a couple of years, so you can imagine my excitement when I finally was able to buy them. but yeah, a good time all around. This week I basically worked, so I wasn't able to finish what work I wanted to. but I've started both of my papers, so that's good I guess.

Oh, and the biggest news of the week...
I had my interview for Simmons on Wednesday, and I start there this upcoming fall semester! I'm so excited. The school is so small (one building and only two floors, with about 60 students total) but everyone is soo nice. and everyone was so happy and joking with one another, it was nice. A little strange because you'd think the tone would be more serious, but it was a nice surprise. I'm very happy I'll be going to school there.

so yeah, things are ok. could be worse, could be better, but I guess I can't complain.

mood: cold music: the Danse Society

Someone at work commented the other day on how "I shouldn't be drinking a diet soda because I'm already too skinny." What's the difference between saying that and "you shouldn't be eating those chips because you're already too fat?" You know? I then explained to her that I work very hard to maintain my weight and have lost a lot since 10th grade in high school. I also said I rarely even drink soda as it is because even diet soda isn't that great for you. It's just crazy how it's ok in our society to say something to one extreme, but then if you say the other extreme, it's considered a rude comment. I wasn't mad about it, it just made me think.

New NIN on Tuesday! I can't wait... I have the day off...my first Tuesday off in weeks.

music: Skinny Puppy

I'm soo stressed out over school. I've already missed two of my Soc. of the Family classes, 1 of my Pol. Sci. class and 1 of my Ant. class....all because of this shitty weather! My ANT. teacher has cancelled classes for next week because she has a conference...and I'm so worried about the class not meeting enough times to meet the required number of credit hours and having it not count. I've worked so hard to graduate on time...and now because of the weather there might be problems? This is ridiculous.

this weather is stupid. I hate winter so much. I drove all the way to school to find out my first class of the day was cancelled. why couldn't she just send us an email? hellooo, not all of us live on campus. Oh well. This had better be the end of winter because I'm seriously going crazy.

location: school music: The Cult

I've been reading the set lists that NIN is playing in Europe...and oh man are they amazing. "Last," "We're in This Together" and "Ruiner?" Amazing! I can't wait for the US dates to be announced!

soooooo today the weather was wicked shitty and SUNY Oswego closed! I was so excited because at first I was watching the weather and was like "ohh man, I'll skip my first class so hopefully by the time I leave the snow will have let up a bit." So an hour goes by, and I get in the shower at about 8:30, I get out, check the weather again, and it's supposed to be snowy all day, but I just figured I'd leave an extra half hour early so I could make my second class of the day (I have 4 on Mondays) and not start missing days this early in the semester. WELL, I check the news a little after 9, and find out that it's white-out conditions in Fulton and Oswego and SUNY Oswego has cancelled its classes for the entire day! I was so relieved because last Monday it was terrible out as well and I had to drive home in a white-out on country roads and seriously almost shit my pants like 5 times. haha, in other words, I was scared because I couldn't tell if I was on the road or not until another car was coming. Needless to say, I was glad I didn't have to experience that again. So today I did basically nothing at all but watch True Life, hang out with my sister, and clean my closet a little. It was great.

Yesterday I had the greatest find ever at the flea market...Jack Off Jill's Sexless Demons and Scars on CD! I was so excited, because basically all of their albums are out of print and on Ebay it's going for 20$ or more, and I paid 4.50$ for it. I also got an Adam Ant CD and another of The Church's CDs. Very cool.

Other than that, not much has been going on. I'm already feeling the stress of school though...eck. Only one more semester at Oswego left, and then I'm done.

location: home mood: crazy music: Jack Off Jill

Go son, go down to the water
And see the women weeping there
Then go up into the mountains
The men, they are weeping too

Father, why are all the women weeping?
They are weeping for their men
Then why are all the men there weeping?
They are weeping back at them

This is a weeping song
A song in which to weep
While all the men and women sleep
This is a weeping song
But I won't be weeping long

Father, why are all the children weeping?
They are merely crying son
O, are they merely crying, father?
Yes, true weeping is yet to come

This is a weeping song
A song in which to weep
While all the men and children sleep
This is a weeping song
But I won't be weeping long

O father tell me, are you weeping?
Your face seems wet to touch
O then I'm so sorry, father
I never thought I hurt you so much

This is a weeping song
A song in which to weep
While we rock ourselves to sleep
This is a weeping song
But I won't be weeping long
No I won't be weeping long
No I won't be weeping long
No I won't be weeping long

music: Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Have I said I hated winter? Because I do. Soooo much. From like November until end of February I'm miserable because of this stupid weather. I need to get one of those lamps that improves your mood or whatever because I can't deal with this for another month and a half. I haven't left my house since...Saturday morning. Man I am crazy. hahaha, for real.

Classes start on Friday for me. No classes on Tuesdays or Thursdays, which is pretty sweet. Mondays are going to be super long though, classes from 10am until 8:40pm...yuuucky. haha, oh well.

Boston in March...can't wait! It's going to be super fun.

uhmm...what else? Actually that's about it for now. Not too much going on. I'm trying to find a new job that will pay me more, but no luck yet.

mood: anxious music: Nine Inch Nails